Forgive me for a bit of self-indulgence with this first rant as it has taken a bit of research (there will be the odd mistake but the general gist is about right) but the subject in question has form and legs and there will be more updates, you can be sure of that!
RANT-ON
First up - Mr Wayne 'BadBoy' Etheridge 'proprieter' (his Dad gave him a job) of the above watering hole, the nicest thing about the place IMHO is the paint scheme on the outside. That's him on the left he looks as tho' he's done a few lines of Charlie before the photo-shoot!(Fashion tip Wayne, look in the mirror before a photoshoot, you look like a druggie...)
The Etheridges both Dad, Ted and Fruit-of-the-Loins Wayne are high profile in the local community and both seem to apply a sledgehammer approach to public relations with regard to their neighbours feelings.
Now their 'feelings' have been hurt as the local newly-elected MP has circulated a flyer asking surrounding residents to keep a log of activities etc that might lead to the curtailment of
theirlicense. For those of you that are not privy to the history of anti-social activites that the Terrible Two have kept us in newspaper articles over the last few years here's a bit of memorabilia that's not for sale, in fact, it's priceless...
I will have to pause for a moment and wipe a tear from my eye and get my violin out and pluck a suitably melancholy chord for the aggrieved gaffers...
I do'nt know how long this pair have been running pubs but they first came to my attention a few years ago when they (DadEth) ran the Prince of Wales PH at Hagley.
It used to be hangout for the local 'players of the Pink piccolo' whether that continued under 'new management' i do'nt really know but i'm told that if you dropped a pound coin on the floor it was best left!
That's Eth the Elder with the 'Ponce of Wales' in the background. He moaned at great length at how he was having to close a thriving business and throw loads of people on the dole blah blah blah (but not Eth the Younger) because the pub was having to close for a variety of reasons and he was'nt allowed to buy the lease. Boo-Hoo.
He promptly upped sticks and concentrated on the Royal Oak PH at Amblecote and came up with an idea (not original in the Midlands) of selling cheap pub grub washed down with lashings of soapy, crap beer ! Not content with that he had to advertise to all and sundry what good value this was with a range of Blackboards on the Car Park to that effect.
When i say 'car park' i mean the OBSF (Outside Blackboard Storage Facility), unfortunately i do not have a picture at present. I mean it was an exercise in the profligate use of colour it was like a modern art exhibition. People had to carry Ray-Bans just to walk past the bloody place!
I mean the whole fucking car park was covered with them. A spokesman for NASA said and i quote "We got images of forest fires in Brazil and Hurricane Wayne in the Gulf of Mexico and we can even see a freakin' car park full of Blackboards in the English Midlands"
Not content with this tasteless (empathy with the food) exercise a claim was made of 'break ins' via the flat roof of the premises (customers trying to get out more likely) and a length of unsightly razor-wire was duly erected in order to complete the image of insecurity...
(Pic Left with yet another startled expression from Eth the Younger)All that was now needed was a watchtower with searchlights and sombody walking the perimeter of the car park with a German Shepherd to complete the scenario of Stalag Etheridge!
Below - unlucky customer trying to leave The Royal Oak without paying!
I would have thought that, for a percentage of the punters, eating behind barbed wire would have been a home from home looking at some of the Housing Estates that blight the area - no disrespect personally (to the punters that is). After much wrangling with the Local Authority and plenty of high-profile mug-shots and whinging they, characteristically, closed the premises with much use being made of the Blackboards informing all and sundry that yet another successful, thriving Black Country business was being forced to close throwing thousands on the dole blah blah blah.
Below - Last Man Trading...
The most pertinent comment to my mind was that somebody had chalked 'Fuck off Wayne' on one of the boards! The Etheridges could learn a lesson or two in succinctness with that one.
At the same time and to the present they have been running The Cross PH in the sleepy hamlet of Oldswinford.
Sleepy?zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - Not any more - not now that Team Etheridge has arrived to cause social disruption whilst raising the public profile of the Dynamic Duo...
The Sports Bar serves several functions, as follows -
1. To serve over-priced grog to sports, primarily footie, fans who can lounge, swear and chant amongst a sea of various-sized televisions. In fact you cannot sit anywhere , except the Shitter, without being able to see one. Mind you, with the current form of our National team, a TV in the bog would almost certainly be of help for anybody suffering from constipation!
2. To provide a venue for various sports 'personalities', surely an oxymoron if there ever was one, in order to regale the Lager-marinaded sycophantic hordes with stories of yesteryear and the 'one that got away' etc etc.
3. To piss the local residents off with the parking arrangements and anti-social noise and behaviour.
But what about the ample car parking facilities i hear you shout ?
The Etheridges hav'nt got where they are today by using pub car parks for car parking, oh no. The current one used to resemble a scenario from a country fayre or a jousting tournament.( pic Left) Imagine two of these, each about the size of a small cottage? Not only did these take up valuable car parking space but the punters that they attracted (usually for key football games or boxing) invariably arrived by, wait for it, the internal combusion engine! Where did they all park ? Not at the pub that's for sure. Firstly there was no room and secondly you stood a good chance of being boxed in when England eventually lost. The only solution was to park scores of vehicles in the adjacent roads taking up residents spaces (not illegal) and blocking off-road parking (illegal) for the duration of the match or boozing session, the two activities being synonomous.I know one or two disgruntled locals that had to resort to a discreet bit of 'keying' in order to make the point.
Not surprisingly hackles were raised but the only things the Etheridges raised (metaphorically speaking) were a couple of fingers, one for each brain cell, to everybody including the Local Authority. The usual letters went backwards and forwards with the obligatory newspaper articles giving The Eths the oxygen of publicity about how they are trying to stifle a successful business etc etc and how the Council is conducting a vendetta against them. Let them open a bar with the same attitude towards the locals in, say, Sicily then one, or both, would soon be 'sleeping with the fishes' - that's a vendetta.
(below) Potential Sicilian neighbour...
To rub salt into the wounds they have also allowed a fast-food caravan to take root on the car-park.
Thought for the day Wayne - why not do the sensible thing and use a pub car park for parking fucking cars or do you need it tattooing on your forehead? where there is also unused advertising space?
So you now have all the school kids from the Obese Teaching Facility, sorry Redhill School popping on to the car park to buy burgers and chips (as if they need any more Cholesterol blocking fodder) along with any other passing trade - this has all been done without permission and has led to the shutdown of a 'proper' successful cafe on the opposite side of the road leading to a loss of livelihood for a geniune business.
The marquees, after much sabre-rattling, have now gone. I think the Eths have seen reason and the thought of a couple of Fire Engines dousing the soggy remains probably helped - yes there is such a thing as bad publicity...
(left) Disgruntled Black Country Wenches...
This is the current situation with regard to the car park.
As opposed to the same picture on their website!
Carefully note the complete absence of jousting marquees and sandwich bars, the back of the building leaves you in no doubt as to the purpose of the establishment and what it offers. The same 'modus operandi' that has been used elsewhere - just an extension of 'Operation Eyesore'. Basically the Etheridge maxim is- Si vos do'nt imbibo hic is opes vos do'nt amo nos sic vos can Fuck vox of
('If you do'nt drink here it means you do'nt like us so you can Fuck right off')
or words to that effect.
The car park now looks like it has a Pikey campsite in the corner.
On a lighter note, one car that you wo'nt be seeing on there is Waynes pride and joy....
(below) Pride and Joy.
Now you would hardly miss that would you? Well, he does, as it was stolen recently. Maybe a disgruntled neighbour, only several hundred to choose from Wayne or possibly some plain-clothes operatives from the Councils PVS - Pub Vendetta Squad? Who knows.........Who cares.....
Important update -
The above vehicle is now safely back actually parked on the car park park at The Cross i suppose even thieves do'nt want to be seen in such a piece of tasteless crap, also there is the very real threat of somebody mistaking the driver for Wayne and beating the crap out of him, or worse...
(below) Worse...
As i stated at the beginning of this first rant, this subject has mileage written through it like a stick of Bewdley rock. Why? Because the Etheridges are their own worst enemy (not while i'm around). They seem to exist just to get up peoples noses and stick to the soles of their shoes like dog shit and think they can ride roughshod because they are making money and that is the God they worship at - well there are people who do'nt want to drink in your chavvy pub or drool over your memorabilia (nothing from Denis Law there, but that's another rant) Wayne, so get a life -
To finish on a lighter note just a little on line competition, who do you think Wayne most resembles?
OriginalScary GoodDayRutger NotSoGoodMaxi BadDayNosferatu Do'ntEvenGoThere
Feel free to comment, there will be one or two details that will not be quite right but like Wayne i do'nt give a fuck either but only because it concerns .................The Etheridges!
WARNING - this rant will be prone to updates............You have been warned.
RANT OVER
